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The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same joke and still feel lonely.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
The problem is not that television presents us with entertaining subject matter,
but, that all subject matter is presented as entertaining.…
The problem with television is that the people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn’t time for it. Therefore, the showmen are…
When you're down and out, something always turns up -- and it's usually the noses of your friends.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense
The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
When asked what he thought of William Shakespeare
I'll moider da bum!
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
While attending a Production Meeting
This is no place to ask questions!!
The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.
The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
You don't write because you want to say something; you write because you've got something to say.
From: "Tuesday's with Morrie"
We must learn to love one another or die.... We must!
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
Advise to a young Richard Roundtree
Whatever you do in this business, It's much easier than lifting heavy things.
Seeing a murder on television, can help work off one's antagonisms.
And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some!
I can't wait to one day shoot in Detroit and say 'Let's have this double for Toronto'.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer it has chosen.
The camera makes everyone a tourist in other people's reality, and eventually in one's own.
Sage Advise to a Young Oregonian, Barbara Niven
If you want to make it in show business, get the hell out of Oregon!
To young actor. Eugene Roach on the subject of acting
Don't ever let 'em catch you at it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Kiss and make up...
but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Life ain't no dress rehearsal.
The faster I write the better my output. If I'm going slow I'm in trouble. It means I'm pushing the words instead of being pulled by them.
Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by favoring to attempt.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
What's this business of being a writer?
It's just putting one word after another.
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them!
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
I said, Thyroid problem?
I'll give you a definite maybe.
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Do, or do not. - There is no 'try'..
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
Why should people go out and pay to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
